Imagine having the perfect marriage, or at least imagine having a marriage where things run smoothly, or how about imagining a partnership that resembles a friendship.
Think about your relationship with your best friend.
How often do you fight? If you do, what are your fights usually about? Do you just let the friendship fizzle away? Or, do you sit or get on the phone with your girlfriend and tell her that what she did and said Friday night at the club was fucked up?!
Do you see the similarities?
Yes, I know! You don’t share bills and household chores with your girlfriend, you’re not married to your girlfriend, but you’re married to your spouse or partner.
Let’s say you get into an argument or disagreement with your friend, are you going to divorce them? No, you’re not, same with your spouse. Unless your friend is douchy and deserves to be cut off.
Things are going well and suddenly you find yourselves in the...
How many times have you sat down with your partner and asked yourselves ‘Soooo what do you want to do tonight? Where do you want to go? Or, been on vacation and wondered what to do next?
This is an issue I see a lot with my clients when they’re in the process of increasing their intimacy in their relationship. They run out of ideas and at times forget how to get to know each as they grow as individuals and as a couple.
One of the couples I work with came up with the following idea… I’m sure you’ve heard of the ‘gratitude jar’ where you write down what you’re grateful for that day and put it in the jar. Well, they have a ‘date box’. They got together during a date night, wrote down thirty things they want to do on separate pieces of paper, decorated a box and put the pieces of paper in the box. The goal is to pick a piece of paper and do what it says that night so there’s no more...
How do you know if your friends with your partner or not? Being in any relationship is an interesting process, especially the one with your partner. I see the struggles of many couples in my private practice. They struggle to understand each other, respect each, and encourage each other. These are aspects that if you really think about it, I know you have with your friends because I do too. As a friend that’s what you do.
In couple-hood, not so much.
Why? Why is it that the idea of friendship goes out the window once you start to share your life together? In the book ‘Seat of the Soul’ by Gary Kuzav says that without a commitment to your partner, you can’t learn to see others as your soul sees them; as light.
Right now, think of the relationship with your best friend, now think of the relationship with your partner or ex-partner. How do these two relationships differ and why do they differ? What do...