Anthony Bourdain, wow!
His suicide hit me hard. I knew he battled with depression, drugs you know, dark shadowy parts of the self. You have them, I have them. Am I surprised that he completed his suicide, no. Do I wish his most powerful self-had won the internal battle? Yes!
It’s hard at times when you have those negative thoughts, I get it.
One negative thought follows another and another, meanwhile you’re losing your power to a much lesser energy.
There are times when clients come to me torn between making two decisions. They then realize that there’s always more to choose from. Let me explain.
Teresa (not real name) came to me recently torn between choosing her future self and the self that she’s currently living. Teresa saw her future self as a confident, secure, married to an honorable husband, children, connected to herself spiritually and in life. She sees her current self as shameful for things she has done and not done, insecure, not connected to herself nor her spirituality, and painfully single.
What you and Teresa may not realize is that to get to where you want to be and WHO you want to be, there are parts of you that are unknown to you in between. And because they’re unknown to you, you don’t recognize them, and because you don’t recognize them you find yourself in unknown territory. Then you feel uncomfortable.
And who wants to feel uncomfortable?
You don’t and neither do I. And so, you go back to where and who we were. You may stop going to therapy, exercising, anything that’s going to get you closer to your ideal self.
But to make change and feel the most powerful parts of you, you must feel the resistance, feel the newness and make those parts that are unknown, known to you.
Just like Bourdain’s staff went around the world seeking for the most exotic and not so exotic places to discover and explore, so do we.
We need to explore ourselves, our psyche.
When you stop exploring yourself, you begin to lose power. When you take the time to get to know who you really are inside, you gain confidence, a sense of knowing. Power.
In the Seat of the Soul, Gary Zukav says that when you’re experiencing the energy of fear and distrust, power is leaving your body. Depending on what part of your body this low energy is leaving you from, you may see an illness form.
A long time ago, I had a conversation with a man who came to one of my group sessions for cancer patients. He said to me, ‘Maria, ever since my brother died I’ve been having pains in my chest.’ I placed my hand and his hand on his chest and asked him to rephrase the sentence. I asked me to tell his brother, ‘Brother, ever since you died I’ve been having pains in my chest.’ He did.
This man cried and cried. When he gained his strength back he said, ‘I hadn’t cried for him. I miss him.’
There’s power in that.
There’s power in letting go of sorrow. Just like that, in one minute or so this man was transformed.
There’s power in learning about ourselves, crying for our lost ones and power in owning who we are and who we want to be.
You lose power when you don’t forgive, you gain it when you do. You gain power when you explore yourself. You lose power when you judge and regret.
Death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
The problem is that at the moment of confusion and despair, death may seem like the only option. The temporary problem may seem like it's going to last forever.
There’s more. Know that there’s more for you to discover and explore.
I’ve always been intrigued by the psyche. I’ve always since I can remember been interested in human behavior.
I wonder what ‘Parts Unknown’ Bourdain would’ve encountered about himself had he stayed with us longer.
It’s an honor to work with women like Teresa and men like the one I had the interaction with long ago. It’s an honor to explore unknown parts with trust, respect and much love.
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