Are You Friends or Not?

How do you know if your friends with your partner or not?  Being in any relationship is an interesting process, especially the one with your partner.  I see the struggles of many couples in my private practice.  They struggle to understand each other, respect each, and encourage each other.   These are aspects that if you really think about it, I know you have with your friends because I do too.  As a friend that’s what you do.

In couple-hood, not so much.

Why?  Why is it that the idea of friendship goes out the window once you start to share your life together?  In the book ‘Seat of the Soul’ by Gary Kuzav says that without a commitment to your partner, you can’t learn to see others as your soul sees them; as light.

Right now, think of the relationship with your best friend, now think of the relationship with your partner or ex-partner.  How do these two relationships differ and why do they differ?  What do you do in your friendship that you don’t do in your partnership?  And visa versa.

I’ve always said, friends first. 

Once you have the foundation of friendship built, then you can start to build the relationship together.  Friends work together.  Lovers don’t always. 

If you start your relationship as lovers and skipping the getting to know you part, things can get muddy quickly.  Sex can muddy your thinking, cause it’s so good.  Right?

Here’s the thing, when you think of your partner as your friend first, that energy is very different than the energy of marriage and that’s what Zukav talks about in the Relationships chapter.  It’s so cool to read others work that reflects your own beliefs, I love it!

In a partnership where friendship exists, you know that love alone is not enough. 

It isn’t.  You know that you need to trust that together you can and will work things out.   And you’re less likely to abandon your friend.  In a partnership where friendship existed and forgotten or never had it to begin with, the threat of leaving the partnership is always present.

Remember, friends first.

Get your foundation down right the first time!

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